‘Hello Karthi!’ I say, greeting my longtime boyfriend. A very long time and only boyfriend.

‘Hey Ana! Where are you?’ He asks with some background music going on. I wonder where he is.

‘San Francisco. I will be flying back day after tomorrow.’ I fill him in. I remember telling him several times before flying off and yet, as usual he can’t remember. His only damn excuse is, there are too many things I have to look into. My work is hectic.

‘I am missing you like crazy.’ He says but there is no romance in the words that he is uttering. He also sounds distracted and monotonous.

‘I miss you too.’ I reply robotically. That is a lie. I have not thought of Karthi since I saw Christian on that damn flight.

‘Look! I called because mom wanted to come to your parents place when they are at Singapore to discuss about the engagement and stuff.’ Karthi says but his voice is flat.

‘Great! I will check with my parents and I will let you know.’ I tell him and I can feel the emptiness in the conversation. But as I was getting ready to hang up, Karthi surprises me with his statement.

‘Can’t wait to make you my wife.’ Huh! You are not spending time with me and you are not giving me 100% of your concentration now but you still say this?

I smiled but I know that it is not genuine. My mind still flies back to Christian. His secretive smile flashes across my mind. I shake my head to clear it.

‘I love you,’ I tell him. I have known him for a very long time and my feelings towards him are very strong. It is just that seeing Christian, who has been in my dreams for a long time, threw me off guard.

‘Are you sick?’ He asks without replying my love statement.

‘No. Why?’

‘You sound dull,’ and you sound distracted. Attention poured to something else but what!

‘I am just tired. We had full capacity and I did not get proper rest throughout the night.’

‘Ok then baby. I see you in two days’ time. Rest well.’ He says.

‘Good night Karthi.’ I reply.

I disconnect the line. I have a boyfriend who is waiting to be my husband and I have been having dreams of having sex with Christian. And above all, I actually want to spend time with Christian. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?! I change into my night gown and throw the comforter over my head and fall into troubled sleep.

It is 8 and I walk out of my room and Christian is walking down the corridor towards me. He is wearing a white shirt with the top two buttons undone and black jeans. I glance at the mirror at the corridor and feel happy that I am dressed appropriately, a light blue summer dress. I have brushed my hair and it is fluffy and frames my face softly. And I don’t know why am I putting in so much of effort to look nice for the breakfast.

‘Punctual Ms Steele.’ Christian greets with a wide smile.

‘I don’t do late.’ I reply.

‘Let’s go’ he says and clasp my hand and I definitely feel the electrical pulse radiating through my body. Karthi has held my hand before but I never felt the pulse, even seeing him does not brings any sensation but it is totally different when I see Christian. Just looking at his face makes my heart skip a beat. We walked out of the hotel and down the road few blocks and we reached a small and cozy coffee house.

‘You choose the table. I will get breakfast. What do you want?’ He asks with authority.

‘Coffee. Less sugar.’

‘Anything to eat?’ He asks with raised eyebrows.

Ummm’ I think for a while and decided with my favorites, ‘Pancakes with maple syrup and a blueberry muffin.’ I reply. I love pancakes and muffins and I can’t get a good pancake and muffin in Singapore.

Christian nods and walks towards the counter and I pick a table at the back to the coffee shop by the window. Moments later, Christian walks to the table and places my coffee and a plate of pancakes and muffin in front of me and another cup of coffee and a plate of omelet and muffin for him. He settles down and looks straight into my eyes. It is very disarming.

‘Thank you for doing me the honor of companying me for breakfast Ms Steele.’

‘Mr Grey, please call me Ana.’

‘Then call me Christian.’

I smile politely and started with my breakfast.

‘Did you sleep well Ana?’ he asks quietly.

Oh dear, what can I say? I had you having sex with me in my dreams? You have been in my dreams for years? Last night was a restless night knowing you are 10 floors above me?

‘Yes, Christian, very well indeed. How about you?’

‘You have been in my dreams, Anastasia.’

I stop eating and look at him surprised.

‘Please don’t stop. What I was trying to say is, I dreamt of you last night, your beautiful face, innocent smile, pale.. ‘ he trails off. I wonder what else he saw!

‘Tell me about you Christian.’ I ask him.

‘Hmm, well, I run my own business in Seattle. I have a brother and a younger sister. My parents live in Seattle as well.’

I wait for him to continue and there is nothing. He needs pushing.

‘That’s it?’ I ask.

He smiles cynically.

‘What do you want to know Anastasia?’

‘Your family?’

Is he married? He has a girlfriend? I can’t ask direct questions.

‘I live on my own at down town. My brother has his own place few blocks away from me and my sister is in Paris. She is studying cookery and my brother is into construction business. My mother is a pediatric doctor at Seattle Hospital and my dad is a lawyer.’

Very influential family.

‘Would you like to come to Seattle?’ He asks me out of the blue.

Where did that come from?

‘I am flying back to Singapore tomorrow. I don’t think it is a good idea though.’ Why am I even bothered considering.

A few moments of awkward silence and finally it is broken with a loud crash of glasses. We both look at the direction and there is a brunette dropped her try and fall flat on her face. Poor girl. The waitresses were helping her. She blushed bright red and looks so embarrassed. She looks gorgeous with her blue eyes, pointed nose and pale white skin. She is petite and her hair is loose wavy frames her face perfectly. Christian seems to be looking at her longer then he should but who am I to stop him. Finally when the commotion is cleared he faces me again.

‘Pretty girl.’ I commented and he looks at me with a narrowed eyes.

‘I agree but that is plain, normal looking but on the other hand, you have a very exotic look which is difficult to find. The look which can only be found in a mixed blood, parentage.’ He replies. His pupil dilates and it is defiantly suggesting something else.

‘Not really. My sister is the gorgeous one. I am plain looking Ana’ I reply honestly. Putting myself down. Yes, my sister is very pretty.

‘Are you sure?’ he smirks.

‘Yes. I use to say my mother gave her looks to my sister. I am very plain looking, and pale.’

‘Not to me. I have never seen a beauty like you.’ And I am flattered. Karthi has never said such thing. He never said I look beautiful or actually come to think about it, he never complimented me.


A pretty brunette has fallen face flat. She looks ok against Anastasia and she looks embarrassed. She would have been a good sub if not for Anastasia who is sitting with me now. She has all the…Stop it Grey, you have Merci and you are pursuing Anastasia and another one?! Get a grip! I turn around to face Anastasia again.

‘Pretty girl,’ she says. What? Is she blind? Anastasia looks prettier and she is complementing another girl. Either she has not seen the mirror or she has very low self-esteem.

‘I agree but that is plain, normal looking but on the other hand, you have a very exotic look which is difficult to find. The look which can only be found in a mixed blood, parentage.’ And I really would like to have you in all ways and only mine and drink your beauty every possible opportunity!

‘Not really. My sister is the gorgeous one. I am plain looking Ana’

My god! What the hell is wrong with this woman? Can’t she see how beautiful she is? Maybe her sister might be prettier but there is something about Anastasia. I have seen her face haunting my dreams. She is the reason why I am attracted to brunettes. Her brown wavy hair, milky skin and clear eyes. Yes, I can never find her milky sink here, but now I have found her, I must have her.

‘Are you sure?’

‘Yes. I use to say my mother gave her looks to my sister. I am very plain looking, and pale.’

‘Not to me. I have never seen a beauty like you.’ Not in any of my subs. They all look alike, like you but Anastasia has the attributes that I want but she still looks different, and the face that I have been looking for, for a very long time. We are almost done with breakfast and I have not got anything from her. If I let her go, then I can’t find her again unless I put my heart and soul to it. The world is small. I have her name, her employer. But before that, I need to know if she is with anyone.

‘Are you in a relationship, Anastasia?’ and she gives a shocked look. Of course any woman will be taken back with such a blunt question. I think she is. Damn I hope she is not but she is too pretty to be alone. I see her feeling uncomfortable.

‘Why do you ask?’ She asks with questions all over her face. Why? What reason? Why I care?

‘I need to know.’ Damn, I must know. I want you and I can only have you if you are not in a relationship. I will threw the other man in your life to Mars! If there is one!

‘Why you need to know?’ Again questions. Damn this woman is frustrating. Can’t she just give me the damn answer?

‘So I won’t be left dreaming of you every night. I need to know.’ Yes, I dream of you in various positions in my playroom every night, strangely, I also dream of passionate love making which is not me. What the hell is happening to me.

‘Dreaming of me? Why should you dream of me?’ her voice raises few decibels.

Damn this is not going anywhere and I have to get the hell out of the hotel in another hour to catch my flight maybe just abandon this whole Anastasia thing.

‘It is something that I find it difficult to explain. This is my card. I really hope you will contact me. If you feel you could trust me, and then please call me.’

I have to show Anastasia what I have to offer. She may run to the hills but I am not sure where this is going. She picks up the card and examines.

‘Fine! I will think about it. What is it that you can’t explain?’

‘I need to show you. I can’t explain it.’ How can I explain my playroom? How can I explain my obsession about BDSM? How can I explain my f***** life?

‘Do you have a dungeon that you use to torture woman and you want to show that to me?’ She snapped me out of my thought. SMACK! RIGHT on the dot!! She is too smart! Yes, I have a dungeon but it is a playroom. I could not help but to smile at her.


‘Do you have a dungeon that you use to torture woman and you want to show that to me?’ I ask absent mindedly. Hang on a minute. Where did that come from? I had odd dreams of him with some images where he is standing with a wooden ruler and I am tied up on a wooden table. May be it is true and he wants to get me into the torture room! Damn he is smiling at me. From the look of I think I have guessed it right. Yes, he is a sadist.

‘Anastasia, do call me. Let’s go. I have a plane to catch.’ He is avoiding the issue. What is his problem?

I put his card in my purse and walk back with Christian to the hotel. My mind keeps on drifting back to the images that I have seen in my dream. I have been ignoring what I saw but now with Christian in front of me, it is tattooed into my brain. It scares the daylight out me but also arouses me. Maybe he is not heart and flowers guy. We got into the elevator and I feel the charge again, the spark again. In a split second, he hits the stop button and pins me against the wall and traps my arms beside me, completely immobilizing me and pulled my hair so my face lifts up to meet his lips. Such a passionate and deep kiss that I never had before and I am lost in the moment. I part my lips and Christian took full advantage of it. I moan softly and finally when he releases, I am gasping for air. He lets me go and releases the elevator. What the hell was that? Why did he do that?! When the elevator stops at 11th floor, I gather myself and when I am about to step foot out, again Christian yanks me inside the elevator. He is holding the elevator open and I am facing him. His arms are around my waist.

‘Think about calling me Anastasia, please, I will be waiting for your call.’

I could only nod. Finally, he releases me and I feel my legs have turn into jello. What just happen? Why did I allow it to happen? Why didn’t I push him away? Why did I enjoy that damn kiss!!? I walk to my room, absent minded. My mind is blank and I can only feel the lips.

‘Where the hell have you been? I was looking for you for breakfast!’ Monica half yells at me when she opens the door of the room after hearing the doorbell. I walk pass her and drop on the bed.

‘Umm, I walked out for breakfast.’ My mind still drifts back to Christian’s kiss. It was so intense. So indescribable. Karthi has never kissed me before, not even on my check. I never knew how a kiss would feel.

‘Why is your lips swollen?’ Monica asks eyeing my face closely.

I quickly touched my lips and yes, it is swollen and sensitive.

‘Umm, I might have had some allergy.’

‘Don’t give me the bullshit. Where were you Tasha? You have never gone out without telling me.’ Monica is now starting at me with a don-give-me-anymore-crap look.

‘I went for breakfast.’

‘With WHO,’ she yells.

‘Christian’ my voice came out small and more like a whisper. I am feeling extremely guilty for spending time with another man. Why even I agreed for the breakfast in the first place?

‘You what! Tasha!! You have never gone out for breakfast or lunch or dinner or better said you never go out with anyone except your Karthi and what is this?’ even Monica looks shocked. She looks like she has just seen a unthinkable.

I drop my head on the bed with tears, my palms covering my face. What have I done?

‘Tasha, is there anything that you want to talk about?’ Monica asks softly sitting beside me. I get up and look at her. Being my only best friend, I have to talk to her. She knows my problem. I have told her my problems and she has been very understanding about it.

‘I don’t know why I am attracted to him!’ there I have said it. Yes I am attracted to him and I don’t understand why. There is something scary about him, something dark about him but I am so drawn to him. My tears are flowing full force. I realize I am being not faithful to Karthi.

‘Hey girl, here’ Monica passes me some tissues. She hugs me which made me feel better but emotionally, I am drained.

‘Tasha, look, there is nothing wrong with you. You have known Karthi for your whole life. I think you are getting bored of him.’

‘Nonsense!’ I exclaimed. ‘I am getting married to him!’ I realize Karthi’s parents are going to talk to my parents and we are supposed to get married in one year’s time.

‘Tasha, now, compose yourself. Calm down before we talk. You are an emotional turmoil. I can’t talk to you when you are in a mess.’

I nod. I agree. No one can talk to me when I am emotional. No one is able to knock some sense into me. I get up and pick up my towel and walk to the bathroom. i turn on the tap and splash the cold water on my face. After washing my face, I examine my lips. It is red, and sore and slightly swollen. Christian actually ravaged my lips. Once all calmed and composed, I walk back to the bed. Monica is still sitting where I left her. Once I am seated on the chair, I pull up my legs and hug them close to my chest.

‘What did Christian Grey told you?’ Monica asks.

‘He asked me to call him. He wants to show me something. For me to understand him and he kept on saying I am pretty. He asked me to call him.’

‘Call him then.’ She simply says.

‘No Monica, you don’t understand.’

‘Make me then.’ She folds her arms across her chest. That is her gesture when she challenges someone.

‘Fine, see Monica, you know I have been having flashed images and dreams about Christian even before I met him. I was surprised to see him and now I feel very drawn to him, I want to spend time with him. But this is all wrong.’

Monica is looking at me with her eyes wide open and her jaws are on the floor.

‘It is Dejavu then, I have told you before but you did not believe me. Now seeing the man in your dream is a step closer to discovery. I have read about it. It is something that you feel it has happen but it has not and sometimes you get it in your dreams and if you are lucky you will remember.’

It does make sense but I can choose to ignore it and carry on with my life. My Karthi, I pull out a picture of me and Karthi from my purse and look at it. At the same time, Christian’s card drops from my purse. What do I do now? Call Christian? Forget Karthi? Or just ignore that nothing has happened?

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